It's Sunday - the Sunday after Thanksgiving. My mom is in town and we're playing with wreaths for the door. We're decorating. It's fun - and it's normal. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my Oncologist to follow up post chemotherapy. I know the next step in treatment is Tamoxifen. What I don't know is whether or not I want to take that next step. I kind of want my body back. I'm tired of side effects. I'm tired of not feeling like myself. And right now - as I'm starting to feel more and more like myself - I'm less and less inclined to let that go.
Thursday, as we sat around the dinner table - we took time to share our thanks. Needless to say there were some teary moments. What am I thankful for? It was an easy question with an easy answer - but it wasn't easily put into words. I'm thankful for so much this year. It's been a year of such highs that were only matched by such lows. Mike and I were married this year - remember? Sometimes it feels like our wedding day has been so shadowed by my cancer diagnosis that our wedding day doesn't even feel like it was just 8 months ago. We are still newlyweds -- and this past Thursday was our first Thanksgiving as husband and wife.
If I had to pick one thing, I guess it would be for the opportunity that lay ahead of me. I have so much opportunity in front of me - it's overwhelming. I have the chance to do something good with this experience -- and help other people - and return the kindnesses that were shown to me. I have the chance to take what I've learned and apply it in every aspect of my life. Mike and I have the opportunity to continue to grow as a couple from this experience - and apply some serious life lessons to our new marriage. And really - the simple fact that I have these opportunities -- means that I'm alive -- and that's certainly something to be thankful for.
Things were a little bit crazy coming home from our trip to Boston on Monday night and hosting Thanksgiving 3 nights later. It was a slight whirlwind, but it was totally worth it. Boston was fun - and it was nice to do something away from home and away from work that was 100% unrelated to cancer. It also made me really happy to be there to watch Mike enjoy something that he loves - to watch him spend time for himself, as much as he could anyway, unrelated to my cancer diagnosis. It was certainly well earned, well deserved -- and thoroughly enjoyed. This year it was our turn to host Thanksgiving, and it would have made me terribly sad if we didn't. It would have meant Cancer changed something that we had planned -- a victory for the opposing team.
My exchange surgery is just around the corner now, a little over a week to December 8th. My reconstruction "team" tells me that this time shouldn't nearly be as painful or difficult to recover from as the initial surgery. I keep holding on to that. I don't feel the same sense of fear as I had for my first surgery (not yet anyhow), and I'm not sure why. But - I'm a little tougher now, so maybe that's it.