Thursday, June 8, 2017

Hair mourning

So here we are, 4 weeks into the new treatment of weekly taxol, herceptin and perjeta. It's been an interesting 4 weeks thus far.

Week 1, I came down with a fever of 101.5 and Mike had to do a late night run to the pharmacy for antibiotics and I had to go in the next day for blood work from both my arm and my port, to make sure there wasn't an infection in the part itself. I also had to do chest x-rays. It was a really long day at the doctor on a Friday, followed by my regularly scheduled 4-5 hour infusion the following Monday.

Week 2 we discovered I was having what's called "neuropathy" which presented as increased sensitivity in the palms of my hands, soles of my feet and inside my mouth (peppermint toothpaste tingles and stings a bit more than usual right now). It's as if there's a mild sunburn on my palms and soles - that's kind of what it feels like - the stingy sensitivity. So - to help curb this, I'm icing my hands and feet whenever I get a taxol infusion. The cold is supposed to keep blood flow away (which is why cold-capping works for keeping your hair during chemo) and thus less chemo gets to your hands and feet and thus - less neuropathy. Since I started icing, the neuropathy hasn't gotten any worse - so I figure it's a win.

Week 3 I had the worst crash from the decadron (a steroid). I'm given steriods, benadry and an antacid each week, before each infusion, "just in case" there's a reaction. The steroid keeps me buzzing on Monday when we get home, makes me a little edgy (maybe a lot), makes it hard for me to sleep Monday night and then almost pushes me all the way through until about pick-up time on Tuesday - when I subsequently start to crash from fatigue - just in time for the boys to be home. Wednesday and Thursday I go through a low period ... a drained, just UGGGHHHH feeling, and then I start to come back to normal on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Week 4 - this week - I asked if we could lower the steroids and yes - we could. So I only received half the dose of roids and I feel a lot better. But the event of this week has been the hair. It started shedding noticeably in week 3 and almost immediately after we got home from week 4's infusion, it started coming out even more.

Many people - people not going through chemo, or who have only ever gone through chemo during early-stage treatment - tend to say "it's just hair." And yes, it is just hair ... but it's just hair until it's YOUR hair. And it's JUST hair until you have the very real threat of never having hair again because you are perpetually in treatment -- perpetual treatment that involves varying chemotherapies and radiation as the primary methods of said treatment.

As I stood in front of the mirror - after spending about half an hour crying in the shower - I looked at myself, holding the scissors open against a tiny ponytail on the front of my scalp - and I just had the hardest time making that first cut. Would I ever have long hair again? It took years to get my hair to it's current length well below my shoulders. Would I ever again have years where I don't have treatment that causes hair loss? Will I have years ... period?? Is it one more step toward death ... ?

Letting go of my hair during early stage treatment was easier - I knew in my heart that it would be back. Letting go of my hair this time - is much more emotional. It's letting go of a piece of me that has always been an identifying characteristic of who I am. I've always had really long hair. Always. I won "best hair" in high school for goodness sakes. It was something people would use to describe me when they're trying to describe me to someone who doesn't know me.

I sat there crying after it was done. Mike knelt down in front of me and just comforted me - let me cry - did his best to console me. I cried to him about how I feel like so much is just constantly being taken from me - over and over again - because of this stupid disease. Since being diagnosed with cancer in 2010, I've permanently given up my breasts and my ovaries - two really feminizing features. I mean c'mon - aside from the vagina - they kinda mean you're a women. And now - I very well may have said goodbye to my long hair permanently. As you can imagine - the next day after I cut it all off - I did a full face of make-up and wore a dress.

Aside from all this - overall - it's been ok. I feel relatively normal, have steady energy and minimal fatigue, this week especially since we lowered the steroids. I'm a bit surprised at how relatively easy this has been so far. We scan in 2-3 weeks to check things out. Needless to say I'm insanely hopeful for good results. I keep checking the lump on the side of my throat for progress - to see if it's shrinking at all. Honestly - I can't freaking tell. I am so hopeful that it is, that sometimes I think yes! It's shrinking. Other times - it feels very much the same. So who knows. For now I'm just trying to enjoy the lower stress that being on a new treatment brings and the calm that exists within this new period, before we have scans. I've limited my research and digging for now and am just trying to enjoy having my momma here and the beauty that is late spring.




27 comments:

  1. ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS WITH HIS HERBAL PORTION I WAS COMPLETELY CURED FROM CANCER.
    I'm here again to appreciate. DR WILLIAMS God will always continue to bless you more abundantly, for the good works you don in my life, I will always keep on writing good and posting my testimonies about you on the Internet, I’m Jessica from Orlando, Florida. I was tested CANCER SIMPLEX VIRUS positive, I saw a blog on how DR WILLIAMS cured people with his herbal portion, i did not believe in natural medicine but i just decided to give him a try, I contacted him,and explain my situation to him,few day later he sent me the herb, after taking doc Williams herbal medicine for few week i also got my healing with his herbal portion, i am so happy. If you have any type of cancer problem or you are also infected with any kind of disease, contact him Drwilliams098765@gmail.com for advice and for his product,i hope this testimony also help some one out there

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello, I am Theresa Williams After being in relationship with Anderson for years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4 pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem. email: drogunduspellcaster@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or any other Case.

      1) Love Spells
      2) Lost Love Spells
      3) Divorce Spells
      4) Marriage Spells
      5) Binding Spell.
      6) Breakup Spells
      7) Banish a past Lover
      8.) You want to be promoted in your office/ Lottery spell
      9) want to satisfy your lover
      Contact this great man if you are having any problem for a lasting solution
      through drogunduspellcaster@gmail.com

      Delete
  2. As a sign of gratitude for how my wife was saved from CANCER, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
    My wife suffered cancer in the year 2013 and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because he was my all and the symptoms were terrible, she always complain of abnormal vaginal bleeding, and she always have pain during sexual intercourse. . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure her. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and he left the contact of the doctor who had the cure to cancer . I never imagined cancer. has a natural cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my wife will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my wife used it and in one months time he was fully okay even up till this moment he is so full of life. cancer. has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on drwilliams098765@gmail.com on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my story

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great post on Breast Cancer Treatment. The Blog is very impressive.

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    ReplyDelete
  4. WOW ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS I HAVE NEVER BELIEVE IN HERBAL REMEDIES.
    my daughter have been a patient of breast cancer . I had tried a lot of anti viral med prescribed to me by doctors over how many years now but I could not see any improvements in my daughter symptoms. One day while going through the internet , i got to know about this great Herbal Dr who uses his herbal remedies in curing people from cancer,quickly i contacted him and he prepared a herbal medication for my daughter which i received and he used it as instructed by dr williams. After few weeks the improvement were very visible.the redness and nipple discharge gradually stooped ,on thing now she is so full of life. I would recommend this to all my friends,families,around the globe suffering from cancer.you can contact him through his email on drwilliams098675@gmail.com.for advice and for his product THANKS TO YOU ONCE AGAIN DR WILLIAMS

    ReplyDelete
  5. Some cancer treatments such as chemotherapy and radiation therapy may increase a person's risk of developing a different types of cancer later in life.
    Help Financially to Cancer Patients

    ReplyDelete
  6. ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS WITH HIS HERBAL PORTION I WAS COMPLETELY CURED FROM BREAST CANCER.
    I'm here again to appreciate. DR WILLIAMS God will always continue to bless you more abundantly, for the good works you don in my life, I will always keep on writing good and posting my testimonies about you on the Internet, I’m Jessica from Orlando, Florida. I was tested breast cancer positive, I saw a blog on how DR WILLIAMS cured people with his herbal portion, i did not believe in natural medicine but i just decided to give him a try, I contacted him,and explain my situation to him,few day later he sent me the herb, after taking doc Williams herbal medicine for few week i also got my healing with his herbal portion, i am so happy. If you have any type of cancer problem , contact him Drwilliams098765@gmail.com for advice and for his product,i hope this testimony also help some one out there

    ReplyDelete
  7. You are often in my prayers. I check daily for the words "I have beaten this disease" on your thread. Please know that there are people praying for you and your family. God bless and keep you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. It is very sad to know you got Cancer but don't lose hope keep fighting and you will have a normal life again.

    ReplyDelete
  9. WOW ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS I HAVE NEVER BELIEVE IN HERBAL REMEDIES.
    my 28 years old daughter have been a patient of breast cancer . I had tried a lot of anti viral med prescribed to me by doctors over how many years now but I could not see any improvements in my daughter symptoms. One day while going through the internet , i got to know about this great Herbal Dr who uses his herbal remedies in curing people from cancer,quickly i contacted him and he prepared a herbal medication for my daughter which i received and she used it as instructed by dr williams. After few weeks the improvement were very visible.the redness and nipple discharge gradually stooped ,on thing now she is so full of life. I would recommend this to all my friends,families,around the globe suffering from cancer.you can contact him through his email on drwilliams098675@gmail.com.for advice and for his product THANKS TO YOU ONCE AGAIN DR WILLIAMS

    ReplyDelete
  10. Medical my symptom tracker is a simple but effective app that allows users to track and understand their health related issues.

    ReplyDelete
  11. My family is now a brand new one, so stop your worries and go get your medication and set the family free of the deadly disease that hold no respect to family harmony. Make your health a better one by using cannabis oil in your everyday life. contact Dr.Patrick on: drpatrickoscar@yandex.com for all type of cancer cure

    From USA.

    ReplyDelete
  12. My family is now a brand new one, so stop your worries and go get your medication and set the family free of the deadly disease that hold no respect to family harmony. Make your health a better one by using cannabis oil in your everyday life. contact Dr.Patrick on: drpatrickoscar@yandex.com for all type of cancer cure

    From USA.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Spread awareness about Breast Cancer with the help of Breast Cancer, Make awesome Presentation.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I am from Texas. I was in trouble when doctor told me that I have been diagnosed with HIV/aids… I though about my children and my husband, I know my children will face a serious problem when I’m gone, I lost hope and I wept all day, but one day I was surfing the internet I found Dr. melena’s contact number. I called him and he guided me. I asked him for solutions and he started the remedies for my health. Thank God, now everything is fine, I’m cured by dr. melena anderson vaccine/cure, I’m very thankful to Dr. melena and very happy with my hubby and children. he also has cure/remedies for other disease like cancer, herpes, hepatitis, als e.t.c For more information on how to get cured contact me on my active email: dr.melena.anderson@gmail.com, dr.melena.anderson@aol.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. nice post, thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  16. ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS WITH HIS HERBAL PORTION I WAS COMPLETELY CURED FROM BREAST CANCER.
    I'm here again to appreciate. DR WILLIAMS God will always continue to bless you more abundantly, for the good works you done in my life, I will always keep on writing good and posting my testimonies about you on the Internet, I’m Jessica from Orlando, Florida. I was tested breast cancer positive, I saw a blog on how DR WILLIAMS cured people with his herbal portion, i did not believe in natural medicine but i just decided to give him a try, I contacted him,and explain my situation to him,few day later he sent me the herb, after taking doc Williams herbal medicine for few week i also got my healing with his herbal portion, i am so happy. If you have any type of cancer problem ,you can contact him on Drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product,i hope this testimony also help some one out there .

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hello, I am Theresa Williams After being in relationship with Anderson for years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4 pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem. email: drogunduspellcaster@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or any other Case.

    1) Love Spells
    2) Lost Love Spells
    3) Divorce Spells
    4) Marriage Spells
    5) Binding Spell.
    6) Breakup Spells
    7) Banish a past Lover
    8.) You want to be promoted in your office/ Lottery spell
    9) want to satisfy your lover
    Contact this great man if you are having any problem for a lasting solution
    through drogunduspellcaster@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS WITH HIS HERBAL PORTION I WAS COMPLETELY CURED FROM BREAST CANCER.
    I'm here again to appreciate. DR WILLIAMS God will always continue to bless you more abundantly, for the good works you done in my life, I will always keep on writing good and posting my testimonies about you on the Internet, I’m Jessica from Orlando, Florida. I was tested breast cancer positive, I saw a blog on how DR WILLIAMS cured people with his herbal portion, i did not believe in natural medicine but i just decided to give him a try, I contacted him,and explain my situation to him,few day later he sent me the herb, after taking doc Williams herbal medicine for few week i also got my healing with his herbal portion, i am so happy. If you have any type of cancer problem ,you can contact him on Drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product,i hope this testimony also help some one out there .

    ReplyDelete
  19. My husband left me with 3 Children and went to stay with his Mistress whom i felt use a spell on him, I felt like ending it all, i almost committed suicide because he left us with nothing, i was emotionally down. But all thanks goes to Baba Alika, who i met online on one faithful day, as I was searching for tips to get my husband back home, I came across several testimonies about this particular man. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he help them to get pregnant,cure herpes simplex virus,and other sickness, and some testified that he prayed to stop divorce. He is amazing, i also come across one particular testimony, it was about a woman called Angeline, she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped his email (babaalikahealinghome@gmail.com) After reading all these testimonies, I decided to give it a try. I contacted him and explained my problem to him. In just 48 hours, my husband came back to me. We resolved our issues, and we are even happier than ever. Baba Alika you are a gifted man and thank you for everything you had done in my life. If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster, Try him anytime, he is the answer to your problems. you can contact him on email: babaalikahealinghome@gmail.com. he will surely help you solve your problem.

    ReplyDelete
  20. ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS WITH HIS HERBAL PORTION I WAS COMPLETELY CURED FROM BREAST CANCER.
    I'm here again to appreciate. DR WILLIAMS God will always continue to bless you more abundantly, for the good works you done in my life, I will always keep on writing good and posting my testimonies about you on the Internet, I’m Jessica from Orlando, Florida. I was tested breast cancer positive, I saw a blog on how DR WILLIAMS cured people with his herbal portion, i did not believe in natural medicine but i just decided to give him a try, I contacted him,and explain my situation to him,few day later he sent me the herb, after taking doc Williams herbal medicine for few week i also got my healing with his herbal portion, i am so happy. If you have any type of cancer problem ,you can contact him on Drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product,i hope this testimony also help some one out there .

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hello I am Mark Sonia, I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex lover back. I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when i meet a friend that introduce me to DR EZE MALAKA the great messenger to the oracle that he serve, I narrated my problem to DR EZE MALAKA about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company. He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect. He told me what i need to do, After i have done it In the next 2 days, My lover called my phone and was apologizing for living me before now and also in the next one week after my lover called me to be pleading for forgiveness, I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact DR EZE MALAKA at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him on: extremewhitelovespell@yahoo. com and get your problems solve like me..... ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: extremewhitelovespell@yahoo. com

    ReplyDelete
  22. WOW ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS I HAVE NEVER BELIEVE IN HERBAL REMEDIES.
    my 28 years old daughter have been a patient of breast cancer . I had tried a lot of anti viral med prescribed to me by doctors over how many years now but I could not see any improvements in my daughter symptoms. One day when going through the internet , i got to know about this great Herbal Dr who uses his herbal remedies in curing people from cancer,quickly i contacted him and he prepared a herbal medication for my daughter which i received and she used it as instructed by dr williams. After few weeks the improvement were very visible.the redness and nipple discharge gradually stooped ,on thing now she is so full of life. I would recommend this to all my friends,families,around the globe suffering from cancer.you can contact him through his email on drwilliams098675@gmail.com.for advice and for his product THANKS TO YOU ONCE AGAIN DR WILLIAMS

    ReplyDelete