Unbelievable - beyond the realm of something that's possible. And yet it's not - because it's happening. And if something is happening, it has to be possible ... believable ... no matter how surreal.
It's like we're existing in two different worlds right now. In the world I want to stay in, we have an amazing, happy little 5 week old son. He looks just like his big brother and is just as happy. We're feeding every three hours and working on sleeping through the night. We're blowing through newborn clothes (and diapers) and just jumped up into the 0-3 month size ... which looks like he'll be out of soon too. He's tall, like his brother, like his daddy. We have a super energetic, super sweet, soon-to-be 3 year old - who looks like he's 5, because he's tall too, like daddy. We're working on pooping in the toilet ... and not jumping on his brother ... or the dog, or the couch, or daddy, or mommy, or Lulu ... or just not jumping in general right now. (He's jumping on my back right now as I write this.) We have a 6 month old puppy, who's got a cone on her head because she just got spayed, and it's comedy to watch her walk through doors, eat her food, hoover the kitchen floor and do just about anything with that darn thing on. She loves to lay on her people and still tries despite the cone.
In this world that I want to stay in, we have my husband. A man who, despite his own very trying health issues, is doing his very best to keep up with his energetic toddler, is trying to remember all the little things that go into caring for an infant, and is taking care of his wife. He's making sure she's eating, drinking water and has enough coffee to fuel her postpartum days and efforts at keeping up with a busy household - all the while not exerting herself too much until her body has fully recovered. A man who loves his wife, and his family, more than anything.
And in this world is me. A wife, mom, sister, daughter, niece who is about to take a huge step into an alternate universe. A world of the unknown where my fear is my own worst enemy. A world where I have to find a way to pull my body back in line and get it to cooperate with me ... and not rebel. A world of medicine and big, highly technical words, white coats, needles, tests and statistics. The last time I entered this world, the world I wanted to stay in froze. It was easier to manage. This time the world I want to be in can't stop and I have to learn to exist in both and not let them bleed too far into each other. I have to do what I need to do in one world, and do it effectively, so I can forever stay in the world I want to stay in. So I can live the life I want to live. The life I need to live.