Exchange Surgery Morning

So it's pushing 5 am and I'm just hanging out waiting to leave for the hosptial. I woke up at 2 this morning because I was nervous I wouldn't get up at 4. So I went back to sleep and when my alarm went off at 4 - I hit snooze.

I've been asked if I was nervous or excited for this surgery. My responses have been that I'm just anxious and ready for it to be over. My eyes opened this morning and the first feeling that registered was fear. I guess I am nervous. I keep thinking about the IV, because I just love being stuck with needles. I am worried about the chance of my "spared parts" not surviving the second surgery. They made it through the first one but I could be pushing my luck asking for them to hang in there a second time. I'm worried about the anesthesia - I've been having this thought leading up to today - what if I don't wake up. It is surgery after all.

For as much as I don't remember of the first surgery - I remember enough about the moments leading up to it and those feelings - the nervousness and anxiety - I remember. Maybe that's what's registering, a remembered fear.

We did fondue last night. Michelle and Jason and Jessie and Mike came over - both with their little ones. It was really good for me to have them here - to host dinner for them. It made me feel good to have friends around before a big day like today. It kept my emotions in check while I focused on them - didn't give me time to worry about today.

Julia just got here. She's going with us and going to keep my hunny company in the waiting room. Away we go.

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(Sent from my iPhone)