Thursday, August 25, 2016

The hard things

Today we did the hard things ... which turned out to not be so hard after all. Purely because we needed to and not because of anything upcoming/pending/unknown/etc ... we met with an attorney to get our wills, trusts, power of attorneys etc. done. It has been something we've been talking about doing since Camden was born, and something we talked about even more so after Nicholas and more so again especially, after my re-diagnosis.

The first time it came up post-re-Dx was during a video support group I participated in for women with metastatic disease. A woman - who after seven months of being on Ibrance was N.E.D. (no evidence of disease) - mentioned she and her husband had just completed theirs. they had two young daughters. She told me that it was actually a relief to get it done. And that she was happy she did it when she was feeling very well. And then that she put it away in a drawer for what she hoped to be a VERY long time.

Ever since re-diagnosis any time I've thought about it - I couldn't help but think that I needed to get it put in place. That it was something that I needed to make sure was done "just in case." What I realized just a few short minutes after being on the phone with the attorney was that it wasn't just me that needed to do it ... but that it was both of us that needed to do it. Why I didn't realize that before - I don't know. Perhaps because unless someone has been "told" they are dealing with something this serious, no one, including yourself, views them as someone who needs end-of-life plans in place. They're still viewed as having "time" to do it. However ... if it's the reverse, there's this weight and pressure to have it done ... to make sure things are in order ... right away. The clock has seemingly suddenly jumped forward an epic amount of time and now there's so many things to be done ... so many things to say ... and not enough time. Also ever since re-diagnosis - any time I've thought about getting things in order - it shattered my heart. Again, because of all that I've just mentioned ... perspective shift.

But we've started the process and it was actually quite un-emotional ... especially because it wasn't just me putting things into place, it was Mike too. It made us both think through how things would go if something happened to one or the other, or both ... or all four of us ... or both of us and one of our designated guardians or trustees ... or if one of us were in the hospital unable to make decisions for ourself and the other wasn't around, who then would make the medical decisions? It forced us to talk about scenarios we have never even thought of. I was glad to discover that Mike and I were on the same page without even having to discuss much prior to the call. That made it easy. I can just imagine how difficult it would be if we didn't agree on what to do with the kids or the estate, etc.

So soon ... the hard things will be done. And there will be a will signing ceremony evidently. And I will also put it away in a drawer for a VERY long time.



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