Day 118 - Halfway through Chemo!

Got through my second chemo. Not so bad. The pre-chemo drugs made me a little woozy, like before -- but only as they go in. Once they've dripped through I start to feel more present. Today was infusion #2 of 4 ... we're half way through. Now, it's just the ten down days to go and then I get ten good up days again.

Last night was really tough. Mike shaved my head - and I cried. It wasn't as hard as going from shoulder length to the pixie cut, that was certainly tough - and I think it was most likely the toughest step to take. But that doesn't discount the actual shaving to the scalp. I truly just sobbed. I wasn't scared - I wasn't angry - Perhaps it was melancholy? I'm not sure. I just sobbed. It was an odd moment ... but at the same time - it was incredibly liberating. For starters, I feel like I look more healthy than I did when you could see where it was falling out. Second, it's truly liberating - it really is. It's such a free feeling - it's odd and wonderful. I'm not sad about it. I'm hanging around the house without a hat on and I feel comfortable. Who would have thought? It's certainly easier to keep things clean - no clumps of long hair everywhere.

After I showered off the newly clipped hair, I came downstairs and Mike had set the dinner table with candles and had our Valentine's Day playlist going. It was so sweet, I cried. I cried true tears of happiness - He made me feel so special. We had a wonderful, intimate dinner - and we talked about all the crazy dishes that I tried to make in the past that just didn't work. What ever would he do if he married me and I couldn't cook! He'd cook, he says. We laughed at my stuffed peppers - how bland they were and how he packed them for me for lunch one day, and when I came home, he packed my lunch for the next day - the peppers were still in there. I couldn't even eat them, they were so bad. And then there was the pork adobo - it was so incredibly salty - again, not edible. But then there was my couq au vin and my potato clam chowder -- and my incredibly spicy green chile --- he loved them all. He suggested maybe having a vow renewal party in a couple years at my family's house, and having my amazing cousin sing amazingly again - and she has to sing more than one song. And we'd really party all night, and not have to rush off the next day to catch a plane -- not that day anyway. By the time dinner was over, I felt so much better.

We went to Dozen's for breakfast this morning, before chemo. My mom in law came with us today. It was a first for her. I was happy she came. She's family.

When we got home, my co-worker and his wife, who also happen to be our neighbors - stopped by to bring us dinner. I'm glad to have met them, and excited at the thought of new friends in the neighborhood. They're good people - and that's always a good thing to have nearby.

So far I feel fine. I don't feel any different, even though I'm pumped full of chemo drugs and pre-chemo drugs. But, we'll see what the tomorrows bring.

Until then, this is how things are - it's not a bad shave job - it's patchy because spots still had hair - and others didn't ... and we didn't bic it. Mike said, at least -- I had a good shaped head.


  1. Hi Melissa, my daughter (Blake) is friends with Rubilly. I've just past my 1 yr of finding 'the lump' I'm 47 yrs old, i know what i went through,and you are so young, my heart goes out to you. Your summary of the process,is right on spot with everything. Attitude is everything & a positive attitude will get you through this. It's a club we didn't and don't want to be a member of, although its a group of strong strong women! You hang in there, it is what it is ! One day at a time.... Lori Backman/Jones

  2. Hi Melissa, I am a friend of your mom's in Oceanside and have had you and your family in my prayers. Your attitude is amazing and I know you are helping so many with your blog. Just wanted to tell you I think you are beautiful without your hair and Mike is right, you have a great shaped head!! Keep up your strength and good spirits.

    God bless,

    Louann Gigante


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