I don't know why I didn't put two and two together, but for some reason - I missed it.
I have never in my life been "put under." I mean, if you count the time I had my wisdom teeth pulled out, okay -- then once. But I'm not sure that totally counts. It was IV sedation -- so okay, I've only been "put under" once in my life.
On my way home from work I wasn't thinking about the surgery or the upcoming tests or anything like that. I was just driving. Out of nowhere, the image of me laying on the operating table pops into my head. I'm draped in blue surgical cloths and there are nurses standing by my head and then they put that clear, anesthetic mask over my face. Ugh - I was gripped with fear.
Somehow I forgot that they had to put me under in order to do surgery. I mean, I guess I didn't really forget - or fail to connect the dots, but that one little detail - the actual method of putting me under - I seemed to have not put any thought into. How could I forget that detail? It keeps replaying in my mind.
That - and the image of me leaving Mike in the pre-op waiting room and walking into the surgical area. I have to leave everything with him. My ID, my glasses ... my wedding ring.
The nurse from the breast center pre-op office called me today to give me the run down on the do's and don't's. After she was finished - and after I caught up with my notes on what she was saying - I asked her to go over what they had me down for. She says, "bilateral nipple sparing mastectomies, sentinel node biopsy of the right breast, right axillary dissection , port placement, and bilateral reconstruction with tissue expanders." (Oh - is that all?!) And how long is all this anticipated to take? About 7.5 hours, she says.
All in a day's work, right?