Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Husband's Perspective...

"How is married life treating you?"

I hear this question at least 5 times a day. It makes perfect sense. I have been married for less than two months and people recognize how important this part of my life has become. Recently, I have struggled to answer this question, because I don't know how. I feel like a fraud if I smile and pretend everything is fine.

The truth is that my wife is sick. She doesn't feel sick, but she has a very serious disease that is going to change the rest of her life. I believe in my heart that she is going to be OK. I believe that she is easily going to out live me. But I also know that she is always going to have the fear of cancer in the back of her mind.

She is 29 years old. She shouldn't have to deal with this. No one should. But she has carried herself with courage and determination through this first few weeks. She has given me strength, because observing her has prevented me from feeling anger, resentment or despair. I can not feel bad for her when she doesn't feel bad for herself. I admire her more now, than ever before.

As for me, I feel distracted almost all day, everyday. When I am at work, all I can think about is her, and when I with her, all I can do is worry about how we will manage while she goes through this. When we are home, I want to talk with doctors, and when we are with the doctors, all I want is a chance to breathe. I feel like we have lost all sense of control in our life, in the matter of 2 weeks.

While I struggle in these moments, I know in reality that we still have more control than it may seem. We still have each other. We still have a bright future. We still have great friends and an extremely supportive family. We are very blessed in many, many ways.

When I first found out Melissa had cancer, I thought it was unfair. Melissa does so much for so many different people and organizations, that I immediately had a sense of anger and resentment. She donates her time and energy to a variety of different charities, many of which she has no personal connection. She dedicated herself to making a difference in leukemia, animals, kids and yes.... even breast cancer, without any sense of obligation, or personal experience. She just wanted to help. It was hard for me to fathom that a person like this could be so unfortunate, so unlucky.

That was then. Things have changed.

Since the moment she told me, my perspective has transformed to one of hope optimism and even appreciation. I believe in my heart that this experience chose her because she is someone who can handle the enormous amount of pressure that must accompany a cancer diagnosis at age 29. She was chosen because she has the mind set and perspective of someone much wiser than your average 29 year old. She was chosen because she has a bigger heart and a bigger will.

I also believe this experience will change me for the better. I needed perspective. I needed to be reminded of what is really important. This has reminded me that nothing is promised, but everything is possible.

I love Melissa and I will spend the rest of my life with her. When we arrive at the other side of this long journey, I believe we will both have a greater appreciation for our lives and our marriage. This will be a hard lesson to learn, but in a way, we are fortunate to gain this type of perspective at this point of our lives.

How is married life treating me? Being married is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

4 comments:

  1. What a beautiful perspective it is.

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  2. This almost made me cry...mike your a good man. Melissa you're a strong amazing woman who I truly admire and even though you're not ready god will make sure its the right time. I have faith in him that he's going to see you through this with no complications or difficulty. If there was supposed to be you wouldn't have married mike 2 months ago and then found out soon after about this bump in the road. He brought mike to you to walk through this together and brought you to mike as a very important life lesson...now gods carrying both of you and he's got it covered. ;) keep your heads up. I love you doll!

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  3. i am so glad to hear from the husband! God has a funny way to send you a message, it forced you to look into what is important in life! If you can over come this challenges, it will definetely make twice stronger on what ever calamity would came to your way next time!

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  4. Your perspective and sharing is so beautiful ... I am a believer that 'everything happens for a reason' and as difficult as it may seem to find the 'reason' either now, or in the future, there is something we all gain from the challenges we face. Melissa & you will grow even closer as you fight with all your heart, soul & being this thing called cancer. After the battle is won, your strength, faith, courage & determination will be a source of inspiration for those that will need the inspiration from those that have fought the battle and won already .... A 'pay it forward' sorta thing.

    I appreciate your sharing so openly. I am a friend of Melissa's mom. I see the energy Mary Lou has, and if Melissa has just an ounce of that ( which I know she has a ton of it) ... There is no question that the cancer has no chance!

    My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you two!

    Sending healing energy!

    Denise

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